


Contractual Parameters

by Dream_Wreaver



Series: Bridging the Gap [2]
Category: Beetlejuice (TV 1989), Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Gray Relationship Areas, Strong Language and Innuendo, discussion of Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 20:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dream_Wreaver/pseuds/Dream_Wreaver
Summary: Juno left them to finish cleaning up the mess they had made. Which required doing possibly the scariest thing of all: talking.





	Contractual Parameters

**Author's Note:**

> Two stories in as many days, how about that? Enjoy some more deep discussion of past issues because it's my jam

“We need to have a talk,” Lydia Deetz concluded as Juno left them all with a mess of her and Beetlejuice’s making. More Beetlejuice’s than hers but still. Except, Lydia noted the keenly interested faces of her four parental units, even as they attempted to feign disinterest, “Alone,” she added in an attempt to get the others off their backs for a moment of peace.

Clearly that didn't go over well, judging by the cacophony of four adults choking up as they attempted to voice their objections only to be cut off abruptly. Lydia would bet her bottom dollar Beetlejuice was behind this, but she wasn't about to start a fight, not when it seemed like they had a long way to go with this whole new situation that’d been thrown in their laps.

“C’mon,” she said, inclining her head and indicating he should follow.

“Aww,” he sighed once he saw their destination, “You picked the roof,”

“I thought it might be a little nostalgic,” Lydia replied, “One of the few _ good _ memories I have of you. Now sit, we aren't here to reminisce, we’ve got to figure out how to deal with this… this,” she waved her hands in front of her, “thing you got us into.”

“Hey, hey, whoa,” Beetlejuice parried, “I wasn't the only one who said ‘I do’ there sweetheart. Try again,”

“Well I wouldn't have had to _ say_, ‘I do’ if you hadn't decided using the old bait and switch to make me hurt Barbara so you could get your way was a good idea!” Lydia countered.

“Well if _ you _ hadn't been so obsessed with seeing your mom and left me, this never would have happened!” He shot back.

“Well if _ you _ weren't such a clingy demon maybe I might have _ stayed_!”

“Well I-” but her words seemed to sink in and he deflated, pausing as he contemplated them, “You really mean that?”

“I-” Lydia, also prepared for a fight, suddenly lost her momentum and had to readjust, “I don't know.” She sighed, “But were not here to talk about any of that. We need to set some ground rules,”

“Blech,” Beetlejuice stuck out his tongue, “Rules, you know I hate ‘em.”

“I'm aware,” Lydia strolled over to the short structure on the Deetz roof and sat down, drawing her legs up under her skirt and sitting crossed. She put her chin in her hands and braced them on her knees, “So, where should we start?”

“How ‘bout we _ don't _ start, and say that we did.”

“Beetlejuice…” Lydia warned, sitting up and folding her arms.

“Alright, alright,” he acquiesced, “Sheesh,”

“I suppose we need to put a cap on your powers,” Lydia mused, “You're far too dangerous for me to be responsible for you when they're unchecked like that.”

“What?” He seemed surprised. As if laying down laws he was expected to follow was not something he would have expected from _ her_. Then again, their time together had been torn between scaring people and talking shit about other adults and their stupid rules. “But what about all the fun times we had scaring the crap out of people? You want to just throw all of that away?”

“Y-” Lydia decided to be hones with him, “No, no I really don’t. I had fun scaring every person that came to our door. I enjoyed the life of no rules or adults, but it wasn’t what I _ needed_, it was just rebellious outbursts caused by the desire to open a conversation with my father about my mom’s death.”

“That doesn’t exactly sound like something you would normally say,” Beetlejuice remarked.

“You only knew me for three days, how would you know what I normally say?” Lydia countered, “But you’re right, my dad and I have been seeing a therapist, trying to work through our issues over mom. It’s helped, though of course we can’t tell her about _ every _ bit of trauma. Even so, I told her I had a… friend, who helped me find some happiness when I was in a dark place. I don’t want to tell you to stop, but I’m also responsible for you now- whether we like it or not. I can’t just let you go scaring people half to death.”

“Is a quarter to death okay then?”

Lydia found a bit of laughter escaping her despite herself. He’d always had a way of being able to make her laugh, even when she thought that sort of thing was impossible. The number of times she’d been able to smile, even in the face of her mother being gone, in the three days she’d spent with him was astounding. She’d smiled more times than she had the entire six months previous. Sure, he was a gross, creepy old man who clearly had some abandonment/daddy issues, and he wasn’t exactly a well-adjusted individual. Then again, he _ was _ at least part demon so… she was getting off topic on her own train of thought here. The point was that he’d found a way to make her smile, and truth be told, she found his pranks amusing.

“I wish, how about this? You can still scare people, but it has to be harmless pranks. Nothing that might lead to death, is that fair?”

“Not really, but I suppose I have no choice, do I?” Beetlejuice asked in reply.

“Would you rather I strip you down to nothing?” Lydia asked, “Because that can be arranged,”

“Babes, I’m not allowed to touch ya, remember?” Beetlejuice leered, “Though, Juno never said nothing about you offering. So I’m definitely down for that,”

“Ugh,” Lydia scoffed in disgust, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Be honest with yourself though Babes,” he countered, “You let yourself walk right into that one. And you know me, never been one to resist low hanging fruit.”

“I’m sure,” Lydia muttered, rolling her eyes, “Is that why you decided marrying me was a good idea? Because I was ‘low hanging fruit’?”

For once in his… well afterlife Beetlejuice paused and actually looked somewhat offended, “Wha- no Lydia it wasn’t because you were- I mean, it _ was _ an easy out, for the five seconds it lasted, but-” he sighed in frustration, “I’m not exactly good with the whole feelings thing, I don’t know if you’ve noticed.”

“Believe me, I noticed,” Lydia quipped, “But tell me, if you weren’t prepared for feelings, what was everything I saw you do before? You genuinely seem to feel things, or was that all part of the con?”

“Look, it’s… it’s complicated,” Beetlejuice replied, “You can feel things up here,” he pointed to his head, “But you can’t… you can’t really _ feel_, know what I’m saying?”

“No,” Lydia shook her head, “But you’ve always been more of the show, don’t tell type anyways. Maybe your actions can speak… less offensively for you than your words?”

“Oh right! Great idea Lyds,” he nodded. And with a flash of magic, a burning match was in his hand. And so it stayed, flame dwindling down on the matchstick until his thumb was actively on fire. Lydia winced, remembering how painful a burn could be, but Beetlejuice didn’t react at all.

“Okay, so you're dead,” Lydia remarked, “I'm not sure-”

“Lydia, how does a human feel? Like, an alive person?”

“Feel huh?” Lydia slumped back, lazily resting her arms over her crossed knees, “I suppose the mundane answer would involve the five senses…” her eyes widened, “_Oh_, you're saying that your feelings are something you can only experience in your head, while the rest of us experience feeling through stimuli of the five senses, right?”

“Kinda technical, but I'm guessing you're right.”

“So… between that and your daddy issues-”

“I do _ not _ have daddy issues!” Beetlejuice protested.

“Like your mommy issues are any better,” Lydia parried.

Beetlejuice raised a finger in argument, but finding he didn't have one, opted instead for gold his arms and mutter curse words under his breath as Lydia finished,

“Between your parental issues and the whole ‘being dead’ thing your emotions were kind of stunted.” She concluded, “And you figured the best way to get a handle on them was… to blackmail a minor into marrying you so you could become human?”

“A minor who stabbed me in the back, literally,” he added.

“Beetlejuice,” Lydia sighed, “You know I had no choice,”

“Sure ya did,” Beetlejuice argued, “It was a green card marriage Lyds, I wouldn't have stuck around.”

“Okay, first, you nearly murdered my dad, again,” Lydia countered, “And secondly, Beetlejuice we both know that's not true.”

“Oh? And how do you know?”

“Maybe because I convinced you I had a change of heart? And that it wasn't about desire or some secondary benefit but love? And you bought into it hook, line, and sinker? For a first rate conman, I played you like a two bit sucker.”

“That-” he raised a finger, “is an embarrassingly accurate statement… goddammit.”

“What you really wanted was love, acceptance,” Lydia stared at him straight on, “You said it yourself, you were invisible, like me. And once you were noticed, once people had no choice _ but _ to take notice, you wanted to do anything to keep it.” She took a shuddering breath, “Beetlejuice, how long would it have taken before simple platonic companionship wouldn't have been enough for you? How long before you might have insisted we,” she paused, “_consummate _ the marriage?”

“Kid, if I'd known you were fifteen then I wouldn't have touched ya, honest,”

“How can I believe you when you've lied to me before?” Lydia asked. It still hurt, even knowing what he was like, that someone she thought she was partners in crime with; someone she thought she could trust, had betrayed her like that. Which brought about the question of how he might have felt when she did literally stab him in the back, but she was still a little too selfish to really care about his feelings on the matter.

“Alright, alright, one of the hazards of being a perpetual liar,” Beetlejuice acknowledged, "But I really do mean it. If I had known, I would have left you be. I mean, in that sense of the word, clearly I wasn't gonna let the fun times end, but-" he shrugged, finding he had nothing else to say, "Y'know."

“You were ready to have an orgy with my entire family, had you been a little less skeptical of whether or not we were, in your words, ‘the orgy-ing kind’.” Lydia reminded him, “So please, forgive me if I don’t exactly believe you when you tell me you wouldn’t have touched me had you known how old I was.”

“Alright, alright,” Beetlejuice stopped her, “Enough with the guilt trip already Lyds.”

“No, no I don’t think it’s nearly enough,” Lydia countered, a frown beginning to pull at her mouth.

“Oh really? If we want to talk about small injustices, how about we talk about the time you literally pushed me off this roof with no concern for my health or safety?”

“Please, you’re dead, and as I believe we just established a little while ago you are incapable of feeling physical pain.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t feel the impact babes,” Beetlejuice argued, juicing up a cigarette to smoke on.

“And stop calling me that,” Lydia narrowed her eyes, “I’m not babes, or Lyds or schnookums or any of the other stupid petnames you’ve been calling me.”

“I’m only gonna say this once sweetheart,” Beetlejuice strode up to her as he flicked the butt into oblivion, “Eternity is a hell of a long time. And if you wanna keep providing me with ways to annoy ya on a silver platter, go right ahead. Otherwise, keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut when it comes to stuff like that. Because now that I know it bothers ya _ Lyds_, it’s only more incentive for me to do it.”

“Why do you have to be such an ass!” Lydia exclaimed, standing up so if only for a moment she had the higher ground.

“Aww, what’s a matter baby?” Beetlejuice asked, tone faux concern, “Did the big bad demon man break your shrink’s little brainwashing device?”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with my therapist!” Lydia argued, “This has to do with the fact that we have bad blood between us because you couldn’t learn how to be friends with someone!”

“Well I’ve never had a friend before, so forgive me if I’m bad at it!” Beetlejuice roared back in her face, levitating a little off the ground so he could look her dead in the eyes as he said it.

Lydia felt her anger dissipate a little as the realization hit home, “You've... never had a friend?”

“Babes,” Beetlejuice sighed as he went back to solid ground, “I’ve been wandering between the worlds for centuries. I can influence this world, but remember, I’m usually invisible. The dead, well, let’s just say I’ve burned a bridge or two… thousand, while I’ve been hanging around. Remember, my mom is a literal demon, but I’m half ghost too.”

“You’re half ghost?” Lydia cocked her head to the side, “How does that even work?”

“Believe me, you don’t wanna know,” Beetlejuice quickly replied, “When I heard it grossed _ me _ out, and you know that’s saying something.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. Considering how disgusting and vile he could be for funsies, it really had to be something vomit-inducing if _he_ didn't want to talk about it.

“I’ve never fit in anywhere Babes, I’m too ghostly for the demons, too demonic for the regular ghosts, and invisible to most of the living. And hey, you spend centuries being alone, you get desperate.”

“You were desperate?” Lydia cocked a brow at him. Then again, he'd gone from asking her not to make him beg for her to say his name to being on his knees in less than five minutes. That had to be a record, or something.

“Why do you think I was selling you so hard on saying my name?” Beetlejuice asked, “I wanted to be noticed instead of simply having people walk all over me, and past me, and through me. The recently deceased are still too human. Hell, even the anciently deceased are still too human. And the demons, pfft,” Beetlejuice scoffed, “Unless you’re involved in crucifying someone you’re not ‘hardcore’ enough for ‘em.”

“Have you crucified someone?” Lydia asked.

“I’m old babes, but I’m not _ that _ old.”

“Noted,” Lydia looked around, “We got way off topic, didn't we?”

“Yeah,” he sounded tired, “Look Lyds, for what it's worth, I didn't blackmail ya into marrying me just because you were an easy target. I never even _ considered _ it when we first met.”

“I know, remember your little monologue when you tricked me into almost getting Barbara exorcised?”

“Ah, yes, well,” Beetlejuice cleared his throat, “Look, I knew beneath the suicidal chick who got her rocks off on scarin’ the shit outta people you had a side to you that _ cared_. I knew you wouldn't let anything bad happen to 'em. I just wanted _someone_ to care about me. And, okay, maybe I felt a little betrayed that you never even said we were friends after all I’d done for ya.

“If all you wanted was friendship, why force me to marry you?”

“Look, it didn’t _ have _ to be you. Although statistically speaking it was probably going to be you,” he shook his head, “Anyways, you might have let me out, made it so people could see me. But you could just as easily have put me back. I wanted out, for good. But for ghosts, and demons, the only way to escape death is to marry a living person.”

“I mean, you _ did _ say it was a green card marriage,” Lydia reminded him, “But if that was so, when did feelings come into the equation? Like I said, you fell for the whole, ‘I’m suddenly in love with you bit’ pretty fast all things considered.”

“Did you really want the third act to drag on with skepticism? C’mon, that’s not quality comedic writing.”

“Neither is a character usually one step ahead of the game suddenly being duped so easily,” Lydia pointed out.

“Fair enough,” Beetlejuice nodded, “I could have married any mortal who would have had me. But I guess I figured that if I had to get hitched to escape death, I’d wanna make my ball and chain someone I felt would understand me. And up until that whole handbook thing with your mom you really did seem like you did. Kinda knew I'd only get one chance at the whole matrimony thing, and if I had to spend a mortal life tied to anyone, honestly you're the only one I'd prefer.”

“Preference indicates options, of which you apparently didn’t have many,” Lydia quipped, “But I suppose one could appreciate the sentiment.”

There was a moment of silence. Lydia turned and watched the horizon from her roofline. The sun was a blaze of golds and pinks and purples. Beautiful, but how long had they been out here? A passing breeze stirred her hair. It was still short, but she was thinking of perhaps growing it out.

“So,” she said, “I guess the major rule is not to kill anybody -once or more times- when you’re having fun.”

“What, you’re not gonna send me back now?” he seemed genuinely confused.

“Why bother? Knowing you, you’ll find a way to manifest somewhere you can be a peeping tom. I’d rather be able to dangle the threat of sending you back over your head than have to get mad at you for being… well you.”

“How sweet,” Beetlejuice remarked, “Brings a tear to my eye, or it would if my tear ducts worked anyways.”

“And when it comes to visiting and stuff like that…” Lydia shrugged, “I guess we can try hanging out again? I mean, clearly we’re gonna need some time, but… y’know, give me a couple of weeks or so and we’ll figure something out.”

“Right,” things were awkward now. Which was a first. She’d been entertained, amused, lighthearted, terrified, and even disgusted in his presence. But never awkward. And yet, the air was thick with it now. Lydia was tired, she didn’t want to have to deal with him anymore and now he was entirely her responsibility. Juno really was a sick bitch. But at least a lot of Beetlejuice’s behavior made sense. He’d wanted love and found none where he should have gotten most of it. The whole reason Lydia had jumped into hell was to find her mom -and yes, to get away from having to marry him, but mainly to find her mom. It occurred to her that Beetlejuice’s biggest problem was that he was a kid, desperately craving love and acceptance. And when finding it, hoarding it all to himself. He didn’t even seem to realize it was the way he acted that made people leave him.

“Hey, um, Lydia,” he cleared his throat, “Speaking purely hypothetically here but um…” a scratch at the back of the head, “Do you think you might, possibly, hypothetically, ever um… love someone, y’know, older and stuff?”

“You mean someone like you?”

“Hey, you said it, not me.”

“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, “Mom always said never say never because you always end up regretting it. But at the moment I’m not catching the touchy-feelies for anyone, least of all you. But hey,” she added as she saw his face fall, “There are many types of love, at least seven, according to the Greeks. So, you’ve got a lot of chances for the nebulous ‘love’ you seem to be seeking. But for now big guy, let’s just work our way past apathy, sound good?”

He gave her a smile, a small quirk of the lips that hinted at the old devil standing behind that vulnerable, insecure child, “Sure kid, whatever you say.”

“Well, I guess everything’s settled so, I’m gonna head back and go,” Lydia slid off the small block and headed back for the door. But as she did, she noticed she’d gotten no response. Turning back revealed Beetlejuice to be just standing there, watching her go, and looking lost. Like an ugly little puppy. Welp, Juno had called him a dog.

“Y’know Beej,” she started, “Um… d’you,” she paused, “Maybe wanna stay for dinner?”

He looked at her with a comically serious face, “More than anything,” he said, echoing the words he’d also said when they were having fun before everything had gone to hell. Lydia smiled despite herself,

“I gotta warn you, Delia’s not much of a cook,” and somehow, Beetlejuice was sidled right up next to her, arm around her shoulder. The same sort of casual gesture he’d done when they were together.

“That’s alright, I prefer eating bugs anyways,”

“Oh, so that’s where the name comes from.”

“No, my first name’s Lawrence, mom just hates me,”

“Can’t argue with that,” Lydia smile stayed as they walked down the stairs. If nothing else, this evening would be a fun exercise in raising her father’s blood pressure.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading and I'll see you all next time


End file.
